Supernatural Spoilers!~Destiel

“You are the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack. But I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

“Because it is. I love you.”

This scene has polarizing opinions. On one side, it’s “the most homophobic outing ever.” On the other, it’s a win for Destiel. 

I’m somewhere in the middle. The scene destroyed me emotionally, and there is no doubt in my mind that this was intended romantically. On the other hand, Cass does die immediately after. And it feels more permanent than usual. That doesn’t really mean anything; it Supernatural and they made it very clear what The Empty wants. If we figure out how to put the Empty to sleep, they’ll likely release Cass, as they 1) won’t be conscious enough to torture him and 2) Sleep deprivation is why they hate him in the first place. 

Plus, there’s Ruby. Cass promised to get Ruby out, and while it’s doubtful that he meant the promise at the time, he’ll likely run into Ruby soon.

So… my thoughts? My opinion? 

I’m still open and hopeful. What will likely happen is that Cass will remain in the Empty for the duration of the remaining episodes and be reunited with his family in the end. There’s also been the suggestion that Cass’ body will disintegrate, and his soul will survive in the body of a woman, making it a-ok with the homophobes.

This is just a fan theory, and I will be extremely pissed if they do that. I don’t think Cass’ body can be destroyed while remaining true to canon- Jimmy passed on the body to Cass and has since been through enough to destroy it already if it were vulnerable. Plus, Dean would probably have a hard time believing Cass is Cass in a different body.  

Is this homophobic? Yes. But I believe it has to do more with the timing of the scene rather than the scene itself- would Cass really be so infinitely happy from confessing? Their lives are pretty miserable. I would think it would be in a more content moment- yes, when everyone has expressed their feelings, but also after an apocalypse when he didn’t have the burden of his family’s imminent danger. 

All in all, I’m going to withhold final judgement until after the finale. I already see flaws, but I also see muted potential. Maybe they’ll get Cass out towards the beginning of the finale and we’ll be able to see some romantic scene before it all goes down. Maybe they’ll be a happily ever after montage of gay domestic bliss. I think Dean should pray to Cass and we’ll see it reach him in the Empty- right before they’re put to sleep and Cass is released into the arms of his soon-husband. 

I don’t expect there to be a big on-screen wedding or a huge romantic gesture. I expect it’ll be rather small in the scope of this apocalypse. I’m hopeful that it happens. But I’m tamping it down until everything is released so I can pass a final judgement. 


I wrote this in 4thewords because I felt really moved and needed to express thoughts. But the block editor really freaks me out, so this will likely be a rare occurrence. 

Were My Early Posts Bad?

Ringo Starr on drums

*This is my final post of WordPress. Please!!! go to to stay connected!*

I’m going to be looking back at some of my earliest posts and judging myself. Based on what I’ve already seen, younger me was much better at writing.

Too Tired To Read  is prose (or a diary entry) about the time I almost saw V.E. Schwab. I say almost, but in reality there was no planning and I asked a friend about it last minute and she said nope. 

” I don’t remember what Victor and Eli were fighting about. Was it the creation of a new species? Bringing the dead back? Whose name would go on top of their college thesis?”

I hope I wasn’t serious about the last one. I reread it around the time Vengeful came out, and now I wish I never read Vengeful.

DIE MORTAL I have never taken drugs. Why do I sound high? I need to delete this post from the internet.

Binge Or DNF? Great idea, but these books haven’t aged well. Perhaps I’ll redo it for 2020.

Why are you writing like that when it’s set in modern times?

Playlist Shuffle Tag 

I’d like do do this again and see the drastic change in my music. I used to be really into old Englishmen, and while I still like them my music knowledge has expanded. Although the formatting of this post was terrible.

Overall, I mostly hold that I was a good teenaged writer but sometimes didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t take blogging as seriously as I do now. Blogging through these years helped me grow as a writer and reader- there’s a lot of books I wouldn’t know about if I wasn’t involved in the bookternet, and I still don’t notice some problems until they’re pointed out by other readers. 

*Once again, for the last time, go to to stay connected!*

My Ideal College Book Fair


You remember the scholastic fairs in elementary and middle school? For days the school library would have teachers reading from books, paperbacks and bookmarks for sale. It was the only thing I enjoyed about elementary. I’m bummed that we don’t have them at my university.

So what would it look like? It wouldn’t exactly be age-appropriate to host Scholastic. And it would take a lot more effort since there isn’t a NA version of it.

But given all the resources I could ask for, here’s what it could look like:


Talks By Local Authors & Author Grads

Wouldn’t it be cool to see what someone from the same school can accomplish? Was their setting inspired by real places in town? If it was, we could do a walking tour (or charter a bus if it’s too far.) How did their college experience impact their writing style? They can visit the classes that most influenced them so students can see how the material can be used outside of class. 


Haunted Library (sorta)

Depending on the books and the season, we can decorate the library or other suitable building. If there’s a lot of fantasy books, there’s dragons. If it’s spooky books like Cemetery Boys, it’s a good ol’ haunted house. Inside, there’s cake walks, a dance floor, a jumpscare area, a maze… Just think of the bookish themed possibilities. The cake walk can even have samples of the character’s favorite foods. 

Rave Bookish Giveaway 

We can host a rave/dance party and have a raffle and dance competition. At my school the clubs take this chance to host games off to the side. Games like bean toss, the drinking (not actually drinking, it’s a school event) game, and….

Dammit, corona’s messing with my memory. In short, the clubs can be given copies of books or merch as prizes for the games. Bonus if it’s related to the club! Ex Check, Please! for fencing, With The Fire On High for cooking…. You get the gist.

 I think corona’s really making me miss the full college experience. Even tho I’m extremely anti-social, I miss having friends to go out with. I don’t really have friends anymore, as I left school for a while and came back shortly before a pandemic. Things got really weird with my old friends and now I’m really sad. I do have friends at home, but I can’t see them for another two 1/2 years. 

Anyway, what are your bookish fair ideas? Due to…changes, I switched to Wix! In the future, please subscribe to to stay connected!

The Best Of F/F From 2019!

This was an old draft that I didn’t get done in a timely manner. But who cares, it’s F/F, it’s recent and counts as backlist.

F/F Friday/// Tarnished Are The Stars

I mostly remember Tarnished by it’s aroace rep in the form of the prince, who is trying to kill the other MC for using technology to gain the approval of his father. F parents. 

be gay. Do Crime

F/F Friday: Amelia Westlake Was Never Here

I really should do more F/F Fridays, shouldn’t I? I enjoyed A.W. for the pranks, and how it portrayed different kinds of f//f romance. It’s really important to address relationships that are emotionally abusive but not what you might typically see as abuse.


My Beloved Carmilla

I just love her so much. And she deserves more than Laura, she deserves someone who will love her as the bloodthirsty vampire that she is. Someone like me. 

The Feminism Of Juliet Takes A Breath

This was a really informative book that touched on a lot of different ideas surrounding “universal feminism.” 

Goodreads TBR Hop 2: F/F

I’ve only read two of these…

download (4)


Ahhh Merlin’s so gay. I really wish that more Arthurian retellings would step away from what’s supposed to happen and what could happen. There’s a super queer version in Once And Future, but ti still sticks to the legend. 

Portraying Toxicity in F/F Relationships: Reading Jordi Perez And Laura Dean

A great look into these two. I really enjoyed Laura Dean, but honestly don’t really care abt Jordi Perez. 

What were your fave f/f books from last year? Or ever? 

Due to…changes, I switched to Wix! In the future, please subscribe to to stay connected!

Stuck At Home Book Tag!

Oh gods, what do I do with my life?

  • Thank the person who nominated you (no one ever nominates me)
  • Answer all the questions down below
  • Pingback to the creator: Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxx
  • Nominate 5+ bloggers you’d like to know more about, to do this tag

1) What are you currently reading?

I actually just finished a rather poor comic of Venom and am rereading Cemetery Boys before the release. I normally read several books at once, but for some reason, I’m just not. I really should pick up another book so I don’t get all lost and confused upon finishing each book.


2) What’s your favourite ‘can’t-leave-the-house’ activity?

I’m going to be predicable and say blogging and staring at my cat. She’s really cute, but don’t tell her that.

3) A book you’ve been meaning to read for forever

All of them? But also 

Summer Bird Blue

I really want to finish this before summer ends, for obvious reasons. I’ve loved the (few) other books with ace protagonists that I’ve read and I feel ready for a book about grief.

4) An intimidating book on your tbr

Eh, I tend to avoid intimating/ big books despite reading big books being one of my challenges for this year. But Under The Rainbow seems intimidating because it’s about queer people moving to a very homophobic town. It seems to have some mixed reviews and an unrealistic optimism. I’m interested, but skeptical.   

Under The Rainbow

5) Top 3 priority books on your tbr

I’ve already mentioned CB and Summer Bird Blue, so the others would be: 

Every Heart A Doorway, How To Write A Damn Good Novel, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor

6) Recommend a short book

I finally get the chance to rec The Carol Ashton series. It follows an adult lesbian detective in Australia, the first book being an investigation into a high school teacher’s death.

7) Recommend a long book

May I cry now? But fortunately  for me, The Complete Sherlock Holmes is a staggering 1796 pages, broken up in two volumes, but GR counts it as one. If you don’t feel like a collection counts (boo) there’s also Wolf Hall at 600 pages. It follows Thomas Cromwell, one of the people Henry 1V killed. (It’s been a while, ok)

8) Something you’d love to do while stuck at home

I don’t love doing anything except staring at my cat. I enjoy writing once I get into the flow, but it’s hard to get into the flow!

9) What do you plan on reading next?

I really hope that An Absolutely Remarkable Thing comes in the mail soon so I can read the sequel! I got them both on sale at the same time but for some reason ABFE came separately and earlier. 

Welp, you’re tagged! What do you think of these books? What are your answers to the questions? *Please fill out this short survey!*


I Match my Classes With Books- Pt 2!

 At the beginning of last semester, I posted I Match My Classes With Books!, which I now believe to be somewhat off. Environmental Policy was nowhere near as fun as Dirk Gently and I actually changed my minor to Natural Resources because of it.

So, my tentative schedule, tentative due to corona and the uncertainty that comes with it, is:

Magazine Production

I don’t know what’s going on with this class, as it’s the only production class scheduled online due to corona. My uni is taking a hybrid approach for now- most classes are online except for science labs, dance, and the like. The newspapers are counted as labs, but the ‘zine isn’t. A bummer.

I’m coming up with such a blank for this. Obviously there’s Ugly Better, but this is supposed to be about books! Maybe Hearts Unbroken

American Government

*sigh* The wonders of General Ed. This is self explanatory- some stuff about politics and the branches of fed. government.

Red, White, And Royal Blue

The class may be repetitive and dull, but the book sure isn’t! Alex and Henry’s story- asides from being an international relationship in of itself- is filled with fascinating snippets of queer historical figures such as Hamilton and Virginia Woolf.

“You should not have taken advantage of my sensibilities to steal into my affections without my consent.”

Investigative Reporting 

This is the advanced version of Beginning Reporting, which I really felt unchallenged by. I’m hoping this class will be up to my hopes; a, in-depth crash course on How To Interview.

So maybe another place to put Hearts Unbroken… There’s also the MG Cub

Cover of Cub. Blond girl in orange dress holds notes against blue newspaper background


Um, yeah. Just a general overview of human sexuality that I have to take three semesters of to count towards my minor.

A Quick And Easy Guide To Queer & Trans Identities + A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns

This is more gender based than sexuality based, but it is an educational look at what these identities are and tips on how to use pronouns properly, and WHY these are important.

Public Relations

PR is not my concentration, but I decided to take the class because a lot of jobs require some PR work. I know nothing about it. I know it has to do with publicity and representing your company to the outside. 

Books Brightsiders and Queens Of Geek by Jen Wilde

Queens Of Geek

Charlie has a lot on her plate. She’s a popular youtuber who has to attend comic-con with her horrible ex. Charlie is bisexual- a sexuality that’s misunderstood and misrepresented by the media covering her. When she kisses her girl crush on-camera, and accidentally uploads it- chaos ensues. And I have to mention her co-protagonist Taylor, who’s just a super geeky and relatable autistic character for aspies everywhere. 

Book Blogging: Behind The Scenes

Dan & Phil Pull Back The Curtain

You know me as the extremely gay reader, but in my everyday life, I am known as the extremely gay reader. 

Let’s try that again. Apart from my (ex) writing group, (Hi Amy!) no one knows I blog. It’s partly because I don’t talk to very many people, and because there are some people in my life that it’s not safe to be out to, so using a penname in online spaces makes me feel safer. 

So why do I blog? It stared when I was still in High School, and I was reading up on how to be a professional writer.In it’s early stages, TXS was intended for writing tips and to showcase my poetry. Let’s see… this blog is 4 years old, it’s not going to show up in the ‘Add Post’ box. 

Ok, the earliest post I could find was I’m Afraid, which was a bit of prose about body horror. Even in 2016 I was a disturbed person. I did notice that I used to do a lot of quotes posts like Writer’s Quotes. I believe I should try to use that idea with better formatting.  

I’m a bit sad, to be honest. Yes, my formatting has improved, but I do a lot of tags now. It’s more about keeping out with a regular schedule rather than writing what I feel like.  

I still enjoy blogging, and coming up with new ideas. But a lot of those ideas don’t come into fruition- I have 35 posts in draft. Some of them are longer-term posts that may need a bit of time to research, but some of them are outdated and should probably just be deleted. 

While I don’t have any concrete evidence, nor do I intend to prosecute, I believe that blogging is taking from my fiction writing energy pool. This morning, I intended to get up early (for quarantine) and write. I technically woke up early, but did not get up early and ended up spending some time on my phone. 

Ok, well it is pandemic season. But I was also super bored earlier and rather than write, I spent a large amount of time choosing what to watch next. (just finished The Umbrella Academy, btw, and need some recs.) I ended up watching two episodes of Space Force, which is ok but falls flat in places.

And now i’m writing this blog post. should I be writing this post more than I should be writing my fictional story? Well, who’s to judge that? but it is rather judge-worthy that I originally intended to write an outline using Folklore songs so it could be both Taylor Swift week and good for my writing. I got two songs in before I couldn’t match the songs with the scenes and gave up because it was too hard. 


Going forward, I will be taking 6 classes so may not be able to implement the changes I want. But I do want to do fewer tags and more things that I want to write. I want to post a bit more about writing for accountability.

I realize that “Behind The Scenes” might not fit this ramble. I’ll see if I can do a “day in the life” or “Thoughts While Blogging” post.

How do you balance blogging, fictional writing, classes, etc? *If you are a regular, please fill out this short survey! I’d love to know what you’re thinking!*


Folklore Book Tag!

I’m not the biggest Taylor stan, but I do really enjoy some of her music and Cardigan is just *chef’s kiss.*

This tag was created by Ilsa @Whisper Of Ink  Thanks Ilsa!


  • Link to the original creator: Ilsa @ A Whisper Of Ink
  • Tag at least 3 people.
  • Declare the rules and list of prompts in your post
  • Thank whoever tagged you and link to their post.

The 1 ~ An ending that left you speechless

I decided to listen to the songs while doing this and it was a mistake.

If We Were Villains; A skull

I LOVED the ending, which I feel is a bit of a different reaction. I love endings that are complicated/realistic, similar to the ending of Allegiant. I feel as if the endings we’re used to are too formulaic, and real life doesn’t end with all of the answers known or with everyone happy. This ending in particular implies plenty of adventure beyond the story we’re told.

Cardigan ~ A book that makes you feel happy and sad all at once

I might literally cry if I listen to one more of these songs.

They Both Die At The End blue cover

I loved this book, but obviously it was the saddest book I’ve ever loved. 

The Last Great American Dynasty ~ A fascinating and well-told story

Yes, an actual Happy song

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me; Cool

And a not-so-happy book. But it’s truly a Look into manipulative relationship, and is especially important to convey that w/w relationships can be harmful too.

Exile ~ A book you wish you hadn’t read

Strange how a song impacts you differently each time you listen.

Girl, Woman, Other– I deleted every photo I had of this after what happened. It’s great for most of the book, but then you get to the non-binary character and TRANSPHOBIA. ALL THE TRANSPHOBIA. It really shocked and hurt me, and I haven’t seen anyone mention this even though it should be a trigger warning for anyone who might read and be impacted by this.

My Tears Ricochet ~ a book that made you cry uncontrollably 

My feelings are just numb at this point.

History Is All You Left Me

I have to go with more Adam Silvera. He’s such a good Sad writer. I hated the book he co-authored with Becky. Adam is Sad King, and nothing else will compare.

Mirrorball ~ A book that feels like it was written just for you

Who broke Taylor Swift’s heart cause I’m coming after them.

Couldn’t think of a book that wasn’t If We Were Villains, so here’s some shows/youtube.

Seven ~ A childhood book that makes you feel nostalgic

Is this Taylor’s coming out album? Is she f-ing gay?

Boxcar Children and Magic Tree House were the two series I’d read devotedly as a kid. It was then I also learnt to be disappointed by the library selection, as I’ve never read the entire series of either. RIP Mary.

August ~ A book that reminds you of summer

Yet another gay song- set in college this time.


I don’t think The Last Bust To Everland is actually set in summertime, but it does have summer vibes. Everland is a magical place to get away from reality and be a part of only the fun, childlike aspects of humanity. Much like summer is a time to get away from school.

This Is Me Trying ~ A book that deals with loneliness & sadness

Well, I felt that.


I don’t really see this book talked about, but it’s basically the story of a bisexual movie director who puts her art about all else, to the detriment of her relationships and her own mental health. Much to my frustration, it’s told from the viewpoint of everyone but Sophie.

Illicit Affairs ~ A book that gave you a book hangover


If It Makes You Happy, photo cred

I could say that everything I binged in 2019 gave me a hangover- I haven’t really reached that level of reading this year, except for this past month. I had to take summer classes to stay in the dorms, and only really got to reading during the Reading Rush-which was a mess, but also my first week of summer. For a specific book, I’d say If It Makes You Happy, which was my first read of the year and was unmatched until I read Gallery Of Unfinished Girls and Felix Ever After. 

Invisible String ~ A book that came into your life at the exact right time

Isn’t it just so pretty? Yes, yes it is.

My book love

Raise your hand if you saw that coming.

Mad Woman ~ A book with a female character you adore

Vicious, VE Schwab
Vicious, VE Schwab

I adore Sydney! Plus, she has such an amazing power.

Epiphany ~ A book that was haunting

Gallery of Unfinished Girls got to me. It had me in that thinking state of wonder, pondering how one creates art.

Betty ~ A book couple that fills you with yearning

I ain’t gonna hope like that. Don’t make me.

Bunny, Mona Awad

This might be a strange one, but Ava + Samantha in Bunny- there was so much yearning and the ending- I can only wish for a “best friend” like this. Plus, I really love dark academia but this and If We Were Villains might be the only ones I’ve actually read. I’ve been looking at Secret History, but I’ve heard it has a lot of problems. Please rec me some?

Peace ~ A book character you’d die for because you love them so much!



I would die for Sherlock Holmes.

Hoax ~ A book that you thought you were going to love but didn’t

T Swift got me tearing up again like why???

Also, I could just do Girl, Woman, Other again because the transphobic betrayal so late in the book… Like, I was invested. And the stuff she was writing came suddenly, as if she had no awareness of trans people during the early chapters, but something clicked and all of the ignorant hate came pouring out…

Anyway! Have you done this tag? Let me know! Do you want to do this tag? Do it! Did any of my books match yours? 

*If you are a regular, please fill out this short survey! I’d love to know what you’re thinking!*

My First First Lines Friday!

First Lines Fridays is a weekly feature for book lovers hosted by Wandering Words. What if instead of judging a book by its cover, its author or its prestige, we judged it by its opening lines?

Pick a book off your shelf (it could be your current read or on your TBR) and open to the first page
Copy the first few lines, but don’t give anything else about the book away just yet – you need to hook the reader first
Finally… reveal the book!


“Let me tell you the problem with university students: They’re stupid as F-. 

Even the most intelligent cohort will have a few members who are entirely devoid of common sense, or who are willing to gamble their safety in some extravagant stunt for the admiration of their peers. Only it’s not admiration they get, its’ ridicule, but they’re too stupid to tell the difference.” 




It’s May Day by Jodie Jaffrey! I’ll hopefully have finished this by the time you’re reading this, but it has a great opening! Here’s the synopsis: 

“If the murderer you’re tracking is a vampire, then you might want a vampire detective.

Just maybe not this one.

It’s not that Jack Valentine is bad at her job. The youngest member of Oxford’s Seekers has an impressive track record, but she also has an impressive grudge against the local baron, Killian Drake.” 

I don’t want to spoil myself or you with the entire synopsis, but rumor has it that the MC is bi.

*If you follow this blog, please fill out this short survey! I’d love to know what you nerds are thinking!*

T10T: Queer Blue Books

T10T is hosted by That Artsy Reader Girl


All Boys Aren’t Blue, George M. Johnson~ TBR

I’ve heard a lot about this memoir, and how it explores the intersections of queerness and Blackness. 

Summer Bird Blue, Akemi Dawn Bowman ~ TBR

This is a story about grief with an ace protagonist but I was too sad to read it and now I don’t know where it is. 

Out Of The Blue, Sophie Cameron ~ 7/12

I love angel-type stories, but I didn’t like that angels can’t speak in this world. I’m just too used to Destiel.

If It Makes You Happy, photo cred

If It Makes You Happy, Claire Kann ~ 9/12

I honestly thought this was a nonfiction account of a pageant when I read this.

Dear Evan Hansen, ~ 8/12

I remember thinking that the (straight) protagonist was really selfish for co-opting a gay boy’s story, but for a fresher perspective check the letter I wrote.

I miss shoes from Payless

Radio Silence, Alice Oseman ~ 11/12

YES we stan a gorgeous cover of a gorgeous story. 

Don’t Date Rosa Santos, Nina Moreno ~ 5/12

Yes, Rosa is bi but I personally didn’t like the book that much.

On A Sunbeam, Tillie Walden, ~8/12

I thought there’d be more blue but I think I just sorted both Sunbeam and Spinning into a dark, blue-ish category.

Perfect 10, L. Phillips 5/12

This is a good trash story, if you know what I mean. A “guilty pleasure” that isn’t quite reflective of your normal reading habits but a lot of people ask what you’re reading and get the wrong idea of the kind of person that I am.

That makes it sound dirty when it isn’t. It’s just trash.

The Deep Blues, Rivers Solomon

The Deep, Rivers Solomon~10/12

Put this in your next readathon if you haven’t already! This is a short but impactful book about generational trauma.

Other blue books:

What are your blue books? Have you read any of these?

* If you follow the blog, please fill out this short survey! I’d love to know what you readers are thinking*