Every Good Beginning

I’m reading three books right now.¬† Let’s see if they’re guessable on the first sentence:

I first discovered I was trash three days before my ninth birthday- one year after my father lost his job  and moved to Secaucus to live with a woman named Crystal and four years before my mother had the car accident, started taking pills, and began exclusively wearing bedroom slippers instead of normal shoes.

¬†That gives you a lot to go on, but isn’t really the story. I’ll give you an easy B if you got it, but it’s understandable if you don’t, since this book isn’t known for it’s long, explanatory sentences.¬†

Book two:

On the second Sabbat of Twelthmoon, in the city of Weep, a girl fell from the sky.

That was hella obvious because of the city’s name. And there aren’t a lot of places where girls can fall from the sky instead of a building,bridge, or plane.(I suggest that you don’t do the first two.)

Book Three:

Millie Gerdavey cheated on her boyfriend again.

¬†Ok, that one’s hard.¬†

Book one was Dorothy Must Die, by Danielle Paige. Book two was Strange The Dreamer, by Laini Taylor. Book three is A Quiet Kind Of Thunder, by Sara Barnard. Let me know which ones you guessed.

I’ve been thinking about beginnings. Logically, they should give you a sense of home or circumstance that is normal before the first catalyst that starts the journey. Dorothy gives you enough backstory, a little more than enough, but though you logically know, there isn’t much feeling in it. Yes, her circumstances suck, but does she hate her dad? How does she feel about poverty?¬†

Strange The Dreamer starts really short, given the flowery prose. It also doesn’t make sense for a while, considering Lazlo narrates the first 100 pages and Sarai isn’t grieving when we get to her.¬†

I’m only on chapter 4 of Thunder, so I don’t have context. But even though Millie isn’t important beyond the first chapter, she shows Steffi’s mutism well. It triggers a chain of thought that would logically lead to her backstory, instead of her outright writing THIS IS MUTISM to the audience.

My favorite beginning of all time is, of course, The Hobbit. 

In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. Not a nasty dirty, wet hole, full of worms and oozing smells, nor is it a dry, sandy…”

The first paragraph is so good I can’t just quote the first sentence. It has all the comforts of home: simple, with a storyteller’s drawl that anticipates the reader’s objections before we realize them.

The first sentence of my WIP, Stepdaddy’s Blood:

She reckoned the trunk was the natural place for roaches to die.

Well, it’s interesting.¬†

Tell me what your favorite first sentences are!

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On Being A Charity Case: A Puppy!!!

*This is not a bookish post. This is a selfish, petty post about my life in general.*

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Meet Jack

¬†It’s no secret that I’m¬†astonishingly poor and homeless. As someone under 25, I have been able to stay at a youth shelter that has some connections to job programs and (albeit poor quality) vegan food.¬† However, my mum is a senior, part of the most at-risk age groups for homelessness. She stayed in a tent for several weeks before meeting Wes, who offered to let her stay in his living room.¬†

¬†I obviously was skeptical about this, cause after all, I’m from Oakland and most men don’t offer this amount of help to homeless women. When I met Wes, I realized that he’s a hippie. A senior hippie. He has a skull tattoo on his wrist and as you saw, a puppy almost a year old.

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His name is Jack, a chihuahua mix. Recently one of his hind legs have gone bad, causing him to limp everywhere.

 

 The puppy part is not over.

I have started to suspect that I have an eating disorder. I’m not entirely sure what it is. The shelter I’m staying at, like I said, does not have good vegan food. They do have some. For dinner tonight the lunch lady shoveled a layer of white rice, plain, but ok, pretty good. On top of that, a mass of brown chunks. Unidentifiable brown chunks. Seeing my look of horror, she said it was dog food. I had no trouble believing that. It looked like something my dog, and only my dog would eat. Repeating “Dog food,”¬† she then said “jackfruit” I have minor hearing problems, so it’s entirely possible that she originally said “jackfruit” and I misheard her.

¬†But I couldn’t get the “dog food” label out of my mind. I pushed around the dog food to get at the rice. Then I threw the dog food away when I knew she wasn’t looking.

¬†There haven’t been¬†other incidents as specific, but that’s because the food wasn’t as gross before. There has been somewhat appealing foods, ascetically and taste-wise.¬† Some weren’t, such as green beans and beans unlike the ones I’m used to. I ate a little and couldn’t eat anymore.¬†

 One night, I stared at the plate, willing myself to eat it. Tears started forming.

¬†I’m talking to a therapist this week and will bring it up. This is the same therapist that disqualified me for therapy despite depression because I couldn’t talk when my mother was in the same room. I suspect it won’t work, and will contact the mental health agency connected to my shelter if it doesn’t work. They aren’t individual therapists, but social workers that conduct group therapy.¬†

¬†I’m tired.¬†I started this post intending to go on a rant¬†about rich people that give millions away to charity in foreign countries. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I don’t think they should be giving all of there charitable contributions to one particular place or cause. Yes, you can change people’s lives by building a fountain in Ethiopia. And you should, if you can. And you should donate to disease research, etc.¬†

¬†But you should also help people closer to home. Homeless people, like myself. Help people who can’t afford a visit to the vet. Help us.

¬†When I first started this post, it was to ask people get Jack to the vet. But then I saw a vlogbrothers video about giving xbox money to Sean in Bangladesh. Sean’s been helping those people stay in school. The Green brothers, John and Hank, of Fault In Our Stars and An Absolutely Remarkable Thing fame, have done this for Haiti, for Ethiopia, and probably more.¬†

¬† This made me really upset for selfish reasons. John says “They are us. These are our children,” and I can’t help but feel he’s dismissing the real problems that Americans have. Yes, I did manage to go to college for a semester, and I live in a place where the water’s unlikely to go bad anytime soon.¬†

¬†But I’ve been homeless for 3 months now. I’m mentally sick to the point where I’m becoming psychically sick. Homelessness has been my constant fear since middle school, so I expected that when it actually happened, it would only be a few weeks. A month at most. But it’s been so long that the person fostering my dog put a time limit of 14 days, two weeks, before she’d kick him out. Wes is so worried about Jack that he hasn’t given a verdict on whether Ringo can stay with them.¬†

I’m tired and scared. Thank you if you’ve read this far. As you probably suspect, I’m going to ask for donations. For $15 and under, I suggest you donate to my¬†ko-fi.¬†Higher donations should go through¬† for Jack’s visit to the vet¬†GoFundMe¬†¬†¬†Jack has been limping with, after a google search, presumably a blood clot. He’s under a year old, a puppy. Wes is 72, and lives in a senior apartment. He gets by on disability and some art sales.¬†

 I totally understand if you can only donate 3, 6, dollars. I understand if you can donate nothing at all. There are a lot of college aged bloggers and others with financial difficulties. But please share this post on your social media platforms.

If this is a Green brother, Hi… I love your work. Even the charitable work I took a shot at. I respect your right to give to whomever you choose, and am glad that my heroes are doing good in the world that isn’t for your direct benefit.

Here’s the puppy.

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The Luke Next Door/ Grump With A Heart Of Gold/ I Heart Characters Redo!

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Luke Danes. The only person in Stars Hollow that wears plaid. (I hate plaid.) A successful owner of a family diner.  The man who took forever to confess his love for Lorelei. 

I didn’t do the original Boy Next Door, so this is actually a redo of¬†Mr. Grump With A Heart Of Gold¬†¬†for I Heart characters.

I Heart Characters! is a weekly meme hosted by Dani @ Perspective of a Writer to showcase our book blogger love for characters! Post on whatever day suits you, about characters from whatever media you love (books, movies, K-dramas, television, manga, anime, webtoons, whatever!) and link up on the giveaway post ♡

¬†Luke is similar to Darcy. He’s standoffish and takes forever to confess to loving anybody. They both have sisters¬† they’d do anything for. Their love interests run off with guys that are bad for them. (Well, Jason and Christopher. Max was fine but I didn’t ship them.)

tape must end eventually

He’d make a great neighbor. Everyone in Stars hollow would be a great neighbor, though I wouldn’t want to live next to Lane cause loud, sudden drums. But I would like to play with her drums from time to time.

Luke would give you free food on your birthday and a supply of tea when you’re sick. He’d be real with you, telling you when you’re diet is unhealthy or your ideas are too ridiculous. If you didn’t show up for a while, he’d make sure you were ok.
you will get disapointed

Luke is the human Squidward. They never really addressed his depression, if it was even depression. And he wasn’t really present in the Nexflix revival. He was strongest in season 4.

Seriously, what was Luke’s problem? I think he saw a therapist at some point, but that might have just been Lorelei and Emily. He clearly has anger issues and needs some sort of help. Like a technique, such as a gym or experimenting with cooking.

I love him because of his grumpy manner, but it doesn’t seem healthy. He doesn’t experience happiness.¬†

throw him in the lake

 

Thank U, Next: Book Tag!

Just putting that here in case you haven’t heard it. The book tag was originally created by¬†thisstoryaintover¬†on booktube, although it doesn’t have captions, I found it through others. It’s the first Ariana Grande song I’ve heard, and it’s the only good song I’ve yet to find of hers. Let’s do this before I get sick of this song!

Thank U, Next: a book you DNF’d.

¬†I recently DNF’d¬†True Story Of A Part Time Indian. If you read my last post, you’ll see that it sent me into an extreme thought spiral. I became hyper aware of the cyst in my brain and was worried it would burst and flood my brain like Junior’s did when he was born. A while ago a close friend told me to put a book down if it ever triggers me, and I’ve not worried about the cyst since. I still recommend it to anyone who has a normal brain, or has an abnormal brain but no OCD.

One Taught Me Love, One Taught Me Patience, One Taught Me Pain (Now I’m Amazing)

My answer to all of these are in Harry Potter.

Love: Prisoner Of Azkaban. It showed me how family can be formed outside of blood relatives. I come from a “broken home” and always felt like I didn’t belong. This book, with the beginning of Harry’s relationship with Padfoot and Hagrid’s love for Buckbeak let me vicariously experience well, love.

Pain: Order Of the Phoenix. Two things: Dolores Umbridge and Padfoot’s death. I HATE THAT BOOK!!! Umbridge reminds me of my third grade teacher. They’re both really strict, abuse children, and have short curls. (She had a tendency to grab kids by the arm and leave bruises.) And then there’s my favorite character’s death. An we didn’t even know much about him!

Patience: Deathly Hallows (Obviously) I didn’t own this book for a long time. I got the first 5 books as hand me downs from my sister. (Which was replaced against my will several years later. PAIN!)¬† I slowly accumulated the rest from the used bookstore, including a paperback copy of The Half-Blood Prince that stood out against the rest of the hardcovers until they were replaced (WHY MOTHER!?!) Content in Hogwarts, the rest of the wizarding world was jarring. I love this book, even though I shipped Harry& Hermione, and don’t really understand the final parings. Like why the heck is no one single? And the Ginny thing came out of nowhere. But aside from that, the plot is good (Don’t think about the movies) and I love Neville in the ending.¬†

We Having Better Discussions: A Book You’re Currently In Love With

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I have two answers for this! The first one is The Murders Of Molly Southbourne, by Tade Thompson. I just finished it, as it’s 117 pages long. It’s sci-fi/horror. Every time Molly bleeds, a doppelganger appears and tries to kill her. Molly is homeschooled until she gets to college. It’s not a personal novel, there’s a lot of distance between the narrator and Molly, giving me the sense that molly is a psychopath. It’s fast, it’s bloody, and I bloody love it! I’ll probably do a spoiler filled review soon.¬†

I just started rereading Strange The Dreamer to refresh my memory before Muse Of Nightmares. I don’t quite feel the LOVEYOULOEYOULOVEYOU I got the first time I read it, but I’m still pretty early in.

Cause Her Name Is Ari, And I’m So Good With That: A Book That Defines You

This is hard for me! I’m very unique, and I’m not being ridiculous. Most girls in literature look like me in the sense that they’re white, so I could be described as a fat Katniss Everdeen. But I don’t relate to her! Sexually, I could say I’m like Tash from Tash Hearts Tolstoy, and I related to her love of fandom, but I don’t have friends. I’m smart like Hermione, but I don’t talk as much. The inside of my brain looks like Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, but I’m also depressed like a John Green book.

Ok, my final answer is Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy when D.N.A died in the middle of it, so John Green picked it up and there’s more women.

If you’re reading this, I tag you! What are your answers!?!?¬†

Let’s Think About Brains

Asperger_vs_normal_brain
Via WALT SCHNEIDER LAB

I think about my brain several times a day. It started around 8th grade, when I was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Asperger’s is a type of high functioning autism. It manifests itself in social awkwardness and brutal honesty. I have an IQ of 152, if online testing is to be believed. The average IQ is in the 130s. Early this year, I had my first seizure since birth. An MRI revealed a benign cyst filled with brain fluid. An EKG revealed a blip in my brain waves, that when sleep deprived, eclipses my brain, thus the reason for seizures.¬†¬†

Yeah, I spend a lot of time thinking about it. I don’t think the average person does. Do you think about brains?

¬†I’m fine though. Even though it feels like my brain is slowly killing me, my doctor assures me that it isn’t. I’m posting about it because Junior, the protagonist in The Absolutely True Diary of A Part-Time Indian described cerebral fluid flooding his brain at birth, irreversibly damaging it. This is hydrocephalus, when your brain produces more cerebral fluid than it can absorb.

This information has sent me into a thought spiral of  OH APOLLO, WHAT IF MY CYST BREAKS?!?!

¬†Fortunately I have an appointment with my neurosurgeon soon and have her dismiss it. I mean, she wouldn’t call it benign if there’s a possibility of it breaking and flooding my brain, right?

For more information on:

Asperger’s

Hydrocephalus

Thanks For Nothing, Padfoot

Mr. Padfoot
I’m not sure who made this, I found it on Amino

Yep, I’m so late I’m crashing. I wanted to post this after seeing Crimes Of Grindelwald, but all I can really say is

images (1)AndersonGot Nothing

¬†Moving on… Back? To Sirius Padfoot Black. This¬†is going to make me look mentally ill or have issues, but that’s because I’M MENTALLY ILL AND HAVE ISSUES.

¬†In elementary school, I didn’t have real friends, and my family has always been messed¬† up. A few people were friendly, but we weren’t close enough to be considered friends. I read so much. When I considered myself old enough to read chapter books, I started with Harry Potter. I fell in love with the world. Not Hogwarts itself, but the idea that there’s a separate community of magical and kind people that don’t use fossil fuels. At least I think, JK never said what Floo powder is made of.

¬†It showed up in my dreams every night because there was nothing about my days that needed processing, except for this one bully that showed up sometimes to trick Harry because that’s how stupid Harry is.

Hey Sirius

But Padfoot isn’t stupid like that. He’s stupid because he’s a man, and men are stupid (no offense guys. You’re just not on our level.) He knows his way out of things and while he treated Harry more of a friend than a godson, he was the closest thing to a Dad we had. (Yes, we. So what.)

He could turn into a dog. He originally became an animagus to help his best friend through a painful werewolf transition, a condition that comes with stigma to this day. He has all the traits of a born dog; loyalty, love, playfulness, the inability to be happy in a confined space.

These traits, plus y’know, Harry’s stupidity and Bellatrix, led him to his death. I wish not only that he hadn’t died, but we’d known more about him. He’s just this dad that’s a dog. We didn’t get to know him outside of Harry’s perspective, as an objective person.

face-it-sirius-black-was-your-favorite-animagus

Before I continue, please install¬†Tab For A Cause¬†I discovered it when John Green recommended it. It’s a free way for web surfers to donate to charity. Each tab you open gives hearts to give, paid for by ads in the corner of the search engine page.

What Fantastic Beasts Should’ve Been

Newt is the cutest hufflepuff ever. Jacob…Queenie…Niffler ahh I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. But Crimes Of Grindelwald is an unnecessary mess. It doesn’t line up with cannon HP AT ALL. Plus, they wanted to kill Tina but not Grindelwald? Yes, he needs to live to be killed by Voldemort, but why are you making Tina go through this, and then just locking Grindelwald up?

I love the characters so much, but I wished they’d made it a standalone. Or even a series of standalones, starting with Newt, continuing with Dumbledore (WHERE THE GAYNESS) and somewhere down the line, a Sirius/ Marauders movie. I recognize that y’know, profit, but if JK HAD to continue the franchise, it’d make more sense to not make 5 films that WHY. I loved the first, but I don’t see how future films are going to clear things up.¬†

So here’s what I would make, if I were David Yates/JK Rowling:

  • Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them: Everyone knows Newt and Tina get married, so at least GET ENGAGED. But that’s just a subplot. LOOK AT ALL THESE CUTE NIFFLERS. That’s the actual plot!
  • Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore: So very GAY. Watch as he falls in love with a criminal and then wins the most powerful wand in existence from him.
  • Who The Owl Is Hedwig: The german saint witch or quidditch player or something that Harry Potter’s owl is named after. A quidditch movie!
  • Minerva Mcgonagall: A witch that takes no bulls*.
  • Mischief Managed: A Marauder’s’ Tale

What did you think of Crimes Of Grindelwald? Would you be down for a marauders’ movie? Sirius: love him or hate him?

I-Heart-Characters-Winter-Featured

I Heart Characters! is a weekly meme hosted by Dani @ Perspective of a Writer to showcase our book blogger love for characters! Post on whatever day suits you, about characters from whatever media you love (books, movies, K-dramas, television, manga, anime, webtoons, whatever!) and link up on the giveaway post ♡

 

General Update: Native American & Disability Reading Challenge


¬†You may not have noticed that I usually blog about my WIP once a month. I’m going to stop doing that, at least for this month, and announce my new reading challenge.¬†Two months ago I did a¬†Latinx Book Bingo & Prideathon¬†and was happy that I did. But I don’t want to limit myself, plus it’s Native American heritage month. I also realized I don’t read a lot of disability rep, despite having asperger’s and being hard of hearing.

I want to read a popular book for each as well as several lesser known ones. For the popular books, I have chosen:

 

I’ve heard a lot about all of these, and saw the Me Before You movie before I knew it was a book. I am conflicted about the ableist message in Me Before You that Finn or whatever his name is in this one, Will? I’m like hmmm… Why are you so intent on dying? I experience depression myself, and it’s enflared when I’m bored. Even so, I thought it was a beautiful movie, just not a moral one.

I put in two popular books in case the library doesn’t have one available for a while, and while I reserve the right to read all of them, I’m determined to read one from each, as well as at least half of the lesser known here:

Disability

  • Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness, and Liberation, Eli Clare¬†

  • Mean Little Deaf Queer, Terry Galloway¬†

  • Consumed, J.R. Ward
  • Cinder & Ella, Kelly Oram
  • Love And First Sight, Josh Sundquist¬†
  • A Quiet Kind of Thunder, Sara Barnard

Native American

  • Keeper’n Me, Richard Wagamese
  • When My Brother Was An Aztec, Natalie Diaz
  • Ceremony, Leslie Marmon Silko
  • Hearts Unbroken, Cynthia Leitich Smith
  • Give Me Some Truth, Eric Gansworth
  • The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse, Louise Erdrich

If I’ve listed a book that’s more popular than I realize, please let me know. Also, where are the books with Native American disabled protagonists?

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I’m currently reading¬†Vicious by V.E. Schwab and When The Moon Was Ours, by Anna-Marie McLemore. I’ve waited for Vengeful for a good while, since my homeless crisis began shortly before she held a signing event nearby. ūüė¶ So sad I missed it.¬†

It’s honestly been a bit disappointing. I’m still very early in it, so NO SPOILERS, but it started with a cliche, and it skips around in the timeframe. It’s confusing and I have no idea how to keep the events linear in my head. Vicious did it, but it was two linear timelines. Plotwise, it’s interesting, but Victor’s been doing the same thing over and over. I WANT ACTION!!!

I’m almost done with When the Moon Was Ours. It’s different from most of the other books I’ve read. A fantastic different. It has two protagonists, a trans boy and a girl with roses growing from her wrist. I didn’t realize he was trans for several chapters, therein it became interwoven gradually to the point where the plot is based on preventing his outing. The writing is lyrical and dreamy, and hard to describe. I demand that you read it for your own good.

One last thing: if I’m not already following your blog, your twitter, your Goodreads, or your insta, leave links! All of my links are in the sidebar, displayed prominently. I want to follow you! I want to know who I’m talking to.