Destiel ~ 7 Month Anniversary Of Despair

Hug

~Supernatural spoilers for 15×18 and 15×20~

“You are the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack. But I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Because it is. I love you.”

Seven months ago, Castiel Winchester came out and then promptly died. I had many theories at the time, most of them infinitely better than the one we got. They all had the basic premise that this would not be the end of the Empty arc, and barring the CW’s homophobia, would have some response to Cass coming out, preferably Dean’s coming out and a wedding. If a several-times dead guy fugitive and immigrant from Heaven can even marry. But it’s Supernatural- nothing makes sense.

Not a single day has gone by when I don’t think about Destiel. I am certified as mentally ill. But it’s more than that; Supernatural has been an enormous comfort for me during some of the hardest times of my life. It showed me a way to keep moving. Every time Dean didn’t give up, he told me to find a way. Over the years he let himself be happy and began to accept his femininity and bisexuality. He showed me what a man could be.

Cass showed me that some things are worth fighting for. It may not be the thing you were expecting to fight for, but when you know that something is right, you must listen.

There’s so many others. I love Crowley. I would have loved a Wayward Sisters spinoff. I love Gabriel. I can’t love Sam because Jared, but I love the idea of Sam.

But we got great news today- Jensen’s Soldier Boy suit was revealed, and damn, I need to work out more. It’s beautiful shades of green and blue, and looks waaaay better than any version of Captain America, and yes, even Captain Falcon America.

SB is giving me so much gender envy. I’ve been wanting to grow a small beard, but I’m still not on T and I don’t know why. I read lips and can’t understand a lot of new people, thus can’t trust that I’ll walk into a clinic and be able to understand what I need to understand.

But I digress. Solider Boy’s suit has a small piece of Dean Winchester- a black version of his boots. While I love that Jensen is moving onto new, entirely different characters, I love that he’ll always have a little piece of Dean Winchester. The man is as demented as we are.

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