I’ve been having a little existential crisis lately. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and have no day job, so I put more energy into my blog.
This blog was never supposed to be a full-time job. Sure, I love the idea of free books, although I’ve only gotten one as a direct result of blogging, two books on goodreads giveaway that I ended up giving away, and two books from an author giveaway on twitter. Even though they weren’t review required, I got them through active participation in the bookish community.
I’m proud of the direction TanyaScreams has gone in. I see my posts getting more detailed, more of an even spread of different kinds of posts, and queerer. I hope that it’s informative and entertaining, and that you’ve picked up some of the books that I talk about. I hope that you look forward to reading more, and that if someone hijacked this blog without warning you’d be able to tell even if the hijacker reads similar books.
But I really want this to be a safe place to talk about being queer, sharing queer books, and connecting with readers who might be queer or questioning. I don’t want to isolate my straight readers, but rather, to invite them to explore this particular category of books. The same as I encourage white people to explore books written by POC authors or ableds to pick up books with good neurodivergent and disabled rep. It’s about making sure everyone gets represented in the books they read.
When I started this blog in high school, I had no idea I was queer. I started it because I wanted to share my poetry. I’ve been writing poetry since 7th grade and didn’t always feel safe sharing it with my IRL people. One of my teachers saw a poem about death and called the cops thinking I was a suicide risk. I’ve since had experience with mental health problems, but back in middle school I was just a confused kid trying and failing to use death as a metaphor. I stopped sharing my poetry until high school, where someone suggested I start a blog. I experimented with blogger for a bit before finding my home on wordpress.
I wrote poetry, shared quotes, talked about writing, and eventually grew into more of a book blog. I’ve always had honest writing, the kind of writing, one of my teachers said “I can tell it’s them without their handwriting or name.” This concerns me as someone who has considered using different pennames, but it is something I’m proud of. That my writing is mine, that I haven’t lost my voice to the system.
Yes, I’m having a bit of a slump. But recognizing it and talking about it is helping. I don’t want to found my existence solely on books, but I do want my foundation to reflect that books are a part of me. I love books, they have been with me through hard times and through dull times. They educated me when school was lacking and let me escape when school was challenging.
I hope you found this little behind the scenes interesting! What was your blogging journey like? What do you do when you’re in a slump?